Hunger (noun): a feeling of discomfort or weakness caused by lack of food, coupled with the desire to eat.
Recovery is such a powerful word in our society. Humans recover from a multitude of things throughout their life time: from broken hearts to the death of a loved one.
Recovery, in it's most traditional sense, is the will to get better.
Before Renn made the decision to recover from her Anorexia, her body had suffered a tremendous toll. At 5'9" her delicate frame weighed in at 98 pounds- roughly 30 pounds underweight according to standard body mass index percentages.
While the belief is that starvation is the hardest part of an Eating Disorder, Sydney (last name undisclosed) disagrees.
Sydney has been recovering from Anorexia and Bulimia for the past three and a half years and now works to help spread Eating Disorder Awareness on the East Coast. In every patient's case, there is a story of how they started their rollercoaster ride of recovery. Most can't do it alone.
"I was so ready [to go into recovery], but I wasn't sure how to reach out or how to find resources for treatment. I like to think I willingly went into recovery, but ultimately it was my mom who made all the calls and appointments and drove me to them. I don't know that I would have actively begun the process of recovery without her push," Sydney said.
As of 2015, there are multiple successful treatment options for those with Eating Disorders. However, until the patient wants to recover, there is little hope that the treatment will be effective.
In 2003, Renn said she had an epiphany. One that made her realize that what she was doing to her body was killing her. Her will to live was so strong, she was able to combat her Eating Disorder and make her way towards recovery. When I was reading through recovery stories on the National Eating Disorder Association's (NEDA) website, it was apparent that the majority of these stories have these same realizations.
In short, they all realized they were killing themselves. For some patients, starving themselves to death.
"I think I had a ton of those moments [epiphanies] throughout my eating disorder, but especially towards the end/when I first started my recovery. I think the more I learned about how dangerous what I was doing to my body and my health was, those moments started happening more. Early on, I knew it was dangerous, but I didn't care. The more I started to recover and really set my sights on staying alive, the more shocked I was by what I was putting my body through. " Sydney said.
While these moments of self-realization start the treatment process, it is still an uphill battle to fight. According to NEDA, the process includes not only the recovery of the body, but also a lot of personal discovery.
Therapy sessions are extremely helpful for paitents starting treatment. In fact, Renn mentions that she had to learn how to feel emotions again, rather than just saying she felt "fat" everyday.
So, what's the time line for recovery? Five years of therapy? More?
That's the hard part, recovery isn't set in stone. In fact, everyone's is different. There are different ways of dealing with underlying emotions, and there are different ways to re-nourish your body.
However, if you are willing to confront emotions, loved ones, and food again, life will be yours.
Renn has gained 70 pounds since her recovery journey began. She is no longer a standard model, but a plus size model for Ford- one of the top modeling agencies in the world. According to her video promo, her career didn't start until she gained that weight back. Her body made her her.
As for Sydney? "Once I had the behaviors mostly under control for a significant amount of time, my treatment team changed me to [what is now known as] OSFED- Other Specified Feeding or Eating Disorder [meaning that I did not a specific eating disorder- like Anorexia or Bulimia]. Now, they've taken all 3 from me and I am clinically eating disorder free!"